Kelly Chen

Well … things are crazy here and I am not being facetious. I had trouble to write a legitimate entry to do everything because I fear that this May be a little walk there?
December 26th, we moved to the apartment and in my little Bitty fathers. We promised to our security control on the 29th, but when I went to look at my landlord gave me a sob story of "all tenants to check the drafting of a rebound" - yeah right lady. She were told to return to the 2nd to look for. ON the 1st she said she had this weekend, call me - it did not. The 5 I stopped by and she protested, then finally recognized me and take control on the 6th. I regained control - it took sovereign to collect and there is no money. I called it complaining I let down. My father got wind of it and was surprised, and now … I thought it was I. I called back and I had threatened my tenant laws and the state that it was in violation because it did not put money in a separate account and that I was now entitled to three times the interests of safety and suddenly, she had money. I tried to cash the check and it is again allowed. As far as I know … at least I had the money right now.
During this time of life with my father is unstable. Go to fullsize image My father is in a bad mood and confrontation - very difficult to live. I love her to death, but he asked one thing and then when you do this, he wondered why the rest did not happen. (while the rest was never asked) This is the way it is with my father - you need to go above and beyond to stay clear as it should not have to ask if you ask him. Makes life a little difficult, but the price you pay to beg for help. (This image - for me - is a look of love and disapproval of the father bear) My father gave me a loan for 5% interest to save me 25% credit companies are robbing me — makes the exercise much, but I’m on the implications and side effects to borrow money while living with him. I do not need more control or questions about my finances - I just want to make the payments and stay there, but I know this is no small matter in my pop. Love to death again - I do not want the other decisions just borrow money. This explosive situation was very uncomfortable … Tristan.
Tristan & I are rather stuck, or we want to be here, but it oscillates between reality and let me stay here. Sometimes it is the night at a friends, out of sheer embarrassment of my fathers house and escape. I feel alone, but to understand what he should do. Whenever I am afraid it does not come back, but for some reason, he always does.
I made my first appointment of counsel. Ever. I never tried, but I am a therapy to lose my mind and break the whole place. I think it is time. I’m afraid, but I am optimistic. I’m really starting to think that my infinite will and refuses to renounce a character flaw. We’ll see what the doctor orders.
I have a list a mile long of things I want to do but I never seem to make them.
I was promoted! Not to my previous position as an assistant, but I’m not one less away. The next step is a wizard … actually, I’m in a shop assistant who can not afford a bottom. Which means I am in a small store on 18th and this kind of sucks because they can not guarantee more than 30 hours. Looks like I’ll be begging for hours in other stores or seeking a waitress concert. We shall see! I am also moved to Orleans little lady not to drive an hour and a half to work every day twice a day … until I move anyway, Eastham. I think I would be happier if it was the fear of not having hours and try to get away.
Other than … the same piece of shit. Being in Eastham is fun … it’s almost therapy in a way. I never realized this was such a big part of my nature, but to be here, I feel something different. Something that stirs in me and says hey - Where were you? (Sorry this is not that poetic, as I’d hoped.)
I fell on my brother in CVS today in anticipation of an order of Tristan. I was surprised because it is supposed to live in New Hampshire. Apparently he was Welfleet for at least a week and has not called to tell anybody, but my mother who does not share this info with me. I feel sad for him because he fired, was deported, then broke with his little girl … which is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. I do not see great things ahead for him, but I hope it will start to see the future, he took for himself soon.
I’m reading "The Outermost House" which is apparently a classic that I’ve never heard of. It is more than 75 years and was written by an author famous here on the dunes of Eastham. How did I not know about this? I love nature and I completely missed this writing "classic" written here under my feet! My favorite line so far from the top 22 where the author writes: "The ocean rumbles, WISPs pale winter wind and shreds of clouds sailing over the dunes, and sandpipers stand on one leg and the dream, tousled head deep into their feathers. "It Eastham itself - I am so grateful to have found the treasure, and to have found someone who can bear eloquent musings on the Cape - and more specifically the land that I grew up on. My ‘Eastham Beach (now known as the Coast Guard - which I happen to live in the street)
I also found a photo of my late grandfather in a history book on clip_image001 "The Forgotten Cape" In my grandfather, he asked a dance in 1951 at the Eastham windmill. It’s really cool to see - especially since my grandmother has not yet met. I miss you Grampa Jay. I miss you and I love you.
That’s all she wrote for now … I will try to compose a more logical thought tomorrow to share with you all. Always thank you for tuning in - although it was quite depressing. (Which reminds me, I opened this page and the title of this post intended to write about my depression that I am struggling to concentrate and loss of control and ended up on other things such babbling . In case you’re wondering, I’m definitely depressed and feeling alone, and sometimes quite. But hey, I’m going … through this right?)

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